God Sees

Check Out 5,395 People

2011-02-05T23:03:00.001-08:00

I've been primarily writing in the blog 5,395 People.

Please check it out- HERE.

God Still Sees

2011-01-07T17:07:00.000-08:00

Read what I wrote about in 5,395 People today.

It's pretty neat.

God Bless :)

Waiting

2011-01-06T15:11:00.000-08:00

Waiting and still yet, I am waiting.

Then I end up waiting and after that I wait.

Finally, I've found myself... waiting.

Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!-Psalm 27:14

"Strengthen your heart"

Whoah, I need that.

I got hired on this new job, but they aren't quite ready for me.

I have to wait.

I feel like I've been waiting sense September 13th, 2010 when a computer fell on my foot and I injured myself. The journey has been crazy. I still can't make it through several hours without being in serious pain.

How long must I wait?

My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him.-Psalm 62:5

I am not sure how long, but I do know that my expectation is from Him.

From God alone.

God Bless :)

Get Ready for It

2010-12-29T19:43:00.000-08:00

I keep on thinking of people who don't know the Lord and then I end up crying.

I am not the only one, King David said:

"Rivers of water run down from my eyes, Because men do not keep Your law."-Psalms119:136

Well said, David. I've been coming across the gay movement, atheists, teenagers in terrible relationships and the confused in general lately. Oh, how my heart breaks.

David also said, "It is time for You to act, O LORD, For they have regarded Your law as void." (Psalms 119:126)

That verse hit me tonight and I wept thinking about it. My prayer tonight was that the Holy Spirit would come upon His people. That we would be delivered from hypocrisy and laziness and fear of sharing the gospel.

It's time for God to move and I want to be ready for it.

God Bless:)

Convictions on Convictions

2010-12-28T22:10:00.000-08:00

Conviction: Being Fully Persuaded

All the time I hear, "Oh, those are my convictions." Or, "We all have our own convictions."

Yet, I have never really looked at the word.

Being fully persuaded...

Sometimes, I do things that I know are wrong. I wonder why I do these things. Could it be, that I am not fully convinced? I suppose, it comes down to my faith.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." -Hebrews 1:11

When a detective has evidence, hard, cold evidence. Then he is fully persuaded what the truth is. Maybe that truth is who the thief is, or the murderer. His conviction is that Tom Jones stole from the bank because of the bank video camera and several eye witnesses.

So then, how is faith built? because look at this verse:

"But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin."-Romans 14:23

How troubling.

Here! Read this:

"So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God."-Romans 10:17

How does faith come? By reading your Bible.

So, my conviction on convictions, is that reading my Bible will strengthen my convictions... How convicting.

Thank you, Jesus.

God Bless :)

People History

2010-12-28T15:40:00.000-08:00

"It's not where we came from, it's where we are going."- Jennifer Fox

My roommate, Jennifer, said this a while back and I never forgot it. It's something I knew already, but sometimes things don't sink in right away.

"My will is so strong." I said this to my mom and she laughed.

It is though, so strong.

Sometimes I am standing all my by myself and I look at a chore or a responsibility that needs done and I have no idea why it's so hard to do. The problem is, is that I think that most of my generation has this problem too. That's why young people have such a bad reputation. A lot of us grew up in households where parents were 'sympathetic', because our parent's parents were cold and often too harsh.

So, what's a girl to do?

Jennifer also said this, "Rip it off like a band aid."

So, putting-it-off is out of the question. The solution, I think is...

Just doing it.

Not letting emotions and feelings rise up to hinder what needs done. Sure, I didn't grow up in the household where I was made to do much.

However, "It's not where you've been, it's where your going."

I am going into a life of excellence and working hard. I do it because I love people and I love God. It's the truth and the truth is what's sets us free.

God Bless :)

My Friend S (taught me a lesson)

2010-12-27T14:26:00.001-08:00

I work with a few people with disabilities. I wrote about Z the other day.

Today I spent two hours working with a 43 year old woman, we'll call her 'S'. She has to walk with a walker because her legs have been permanently disfigured. It's a miracle she can walk.

When she was 14 years old a drunk driver hit her while she was on a moped. S told me her story the first day I met her and I remembering thinking- From 14 years and on, she has had to endure this?

S walks slower than a slug. I mean, it's really slow and sometimes awkward for people when we walk by tables. Today we were at Starbucks and I kept asking, "Are you doing okay? Feeling okay? Do you need anything?"

Over and over again she smiled and said, "I am fine." Actually, she talks pretty slow too and so it more like, "I... am... um... fine." Everything little thing I do for her she says, "Thank...you."

In the car on the way back, I asked her if the heater was okay and she again said, "It's fine."

Then I said, "You're not very high maintenance, are you?"

"I've got everything I need." She was mater-of-fact about it.

Wonder filled me.

She needs help getting into the car, falls down all the time, and has trouble with the simple tasks like washing her hands. Her hands shake (almost violently) if she lifts a glass of water and so she requires a straw every time.

I said, "You know what I like about you, [S]? Your thankfulness. It can change everything we look at in life."

She nodded and said, "Yep."

God Bless :)

The Source of Today's Problem?

2010-12-26T21:51:00.000-08:00

"Religious fundamentalism is a major source of today's problems. From creationism to Islam, they promote stupidity, ignorance , and violence. They are a scourge on our species and religions should be forgotten."- Refuse to say :) It's from a blog I recently read...

This statement grieves me.

If I met this guy, face to face, I have feeling he wouldn't like much of what I say.

If I could sit across from him at a coffee table I would do a few things.

1. I would ask him how he came to be an atheist. I would then calmly listen to him. I wouldn't interrupt him or twist my face up when I disagree with something. Even if he cussed, even if he slandered me and Jesus back to back.

2. I would ask, "Okay, can I say something?"

3. If given permission, I would ask if I could talk without being interrupted and then I would say, "I have sat in a mormon church, catholic church, and dabbled in eastern religions. I've been hurt through it all. I've even done a little a witchcraft and things of that nature. However, at the lowest point in my whole life, I began a relationship with Jesus Christ on February 12, 2006. I was on the verge of atheism and totally submerged in being an agnostic, then...

God healed me. Change me. Showed me truth. Opened my eyes to things in the Bible that I had never seen before. He answered my prayers and gave me a future and hope."

4. I would share the gospel simply and say, "God loves you and me. We sinned. Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Yet, we have to confess that Jesus is Lord and Savior and ask Him to forgive. Finally, accepted Him into our lives."

Being a Christian is so beautiful.

I pray that my life could be an example of how beautiful it really is.

This guy would probably not listen to me and will probably never hear me.

However, I am praying for you and I love you like a Christian sister.

God Bless :)

Atheists Tug at my Heart

2010-12-26T21:16:00.001-08:00

"I am not an atheist because I hate God, which I don't. I'm not an atheist because I don't want to be held morally accountable. I am an atheist because no religion/faith has been able to supply clear, reasonable and sufficient proof that there is any truth to the existence of their God(s)."- I am not going to say who.

I've never met an atheist who wanted to be pitied.

Yet, this so tugs at my heart. It's these people who aren't necessarily angry or hateful. They really are just looking you in the eyes and going, "Well, your life hasn't proven to me that God exists- so I don't believe."

I feel it from my toes to the top of my head when I read something like this.

I heard a friend say once, "The Bible doesn't prove God, it declares God.

I wish I scream out so everyone could hear, "My LIFE is the PROOF!"

God has done so much for me because I stepped out and believed in a faith-filled manner and I have really walked in humility. I am not even near to perfect, but I really want to give my whole life to God. I haven't arrived to the ending, but I am on my way to Heaven and I am going to take as many people as I can there with me.

This person lives in Redford, Michigan and I am praying for you whether you know it or not.

God Bless :)

Declaration to the Enemy

2010-12-25T15:19:00.000-08:00

Statement of the Season
J.J. Day

These will be my rhymes
with every headache
along with the crazy times
and too, my tough break.

I will see a way
to destroy enemy thought,
to declare and say,
"I shall not be bought."

I will always dream
and not embrace in the wrong,
however hard it may seem,
this will be my song.

I am not a philosophical
kind of girl,
not into anything magical.
No, I'll not give it a whirl.

But, I will indeed,
only proceed,
into the true
which dearest Jesus, is You.

God Bless :)

Sin is a Punch in the Face

2010-12-23T20:09:00.000-08:00

The absolute, positive, when-it-comes-down to it problem with sin is this:

It always come back to punch you in the face. Always.

Don't believe me?

The Bible says:

"His own iniquities entrap the wicked man, And he is caught in the cords of his sin."-Proverbs 5:22

In the NLT version it says:

"An evil man is held captive by his own sins; they are ropes that catch and hold him."- Proverbs 5:22

No, it's not a karma thing. It's a God-thing. God is so full of mercy, but God is so full of justice too. There is one consistent thing I've found about sin, its that sin brings me pleasure for a second and then consequences to last much longer.

The most horrible thing about sin is that is hurts other people. Selfishness in the moment can kill the best and most effective relationships. It can tear people from churches and divide churches themselves.

God has been graciously showing me how lovely sin can look and then in the next second showing the prison sin really is. I wish I could warn so many people! I can warn so many people... and I will, by the grace of God.

Sin? It's a jail and you think you're okay, but you're not.

You're just getting punched in the face.
(and that's a true understatement)

God Bless :)

Life Now, Life Later

2010-12-23T09:40:00.000-08:00

Working hard in the smallest things (I've been told) directly effects the biggest things later on. I am one of those dreamers and I run hard after God's dreams.

I can hear God dreaming. He is dreaming about the souls He loves getting saved. For the Bible says (in a commen verse):

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."-John 3:16

Oh! That I might not lose what this is all about!

It's not about numbers, people sitting in chairs and personal recognition. It's never any of those things. Oh, how it is totally never one of those.

It's about loving God and loving people.

During this holiday season I want to remember that.

God Bless :)

P.S. Did you see the giveaway on my other blog? Check it out: HERE!

A Dozen Times

2010-12-17T15:20:00.000-08:00

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls. (1 Peter 1:3-9)

So, this is really long and I am not big fan of putting up really long passages. However, I wrote this entire section out in my devotional journal this morning.

I was just so encouraged by it.

I read it probably a dozen times.

God Bless :)

My Friend Z

2010-12-14T20:30:00.000-08:00

I work with a guy... we'll call him 'Z'.

He has a disability- MR which means Mild Retardation- technically.

One time we were in the mall and I gave him a quarter to get gum out of a machine. He couldn't even do the 3 step action. Firstly, Z, couldn't get the quarter into the little slot. Then he had trouble twisting the knob (I had to finish it). Finally, I had to specifically instruct him on opening the little flap to let the candy fall into his hand.

Z is 20 years old and will be 21 in January.

We walk downtown Boise and Meridian and the mall. We went to Sub Zero today. Z may not be able to work a candy machine, but he can memorize whole story lines and make them real in his mind. Seriously, I thought it was split personality syndrome at first. His mind is full of the mafia, killings, and girl named Jennifer (sometimes he tells me she is his lawyer).

Sense meeting me, he talks about Jesus a lot and going to Heaven. Tonight, he kept going on and on about this Jennifer girl (who doesn't exist and if she does then she is some old movie star I don't know about- because that is how I keep finding out who his 'friends' are).

I finally said, "Can I tell you a story?"

He blinked, looked at me and said, "Sure."

"It's about a young boy named David." I began to tell the story. "The Bible said he was the youngest of a bunch of brothers with a ruddy look..."

I decided I would combat his fantasy with truth and kept him listening to Bible stories the rest of the evening until I took him home.

God Bless :)

Piano Keys

2010-12-14T09:15:00.000-08:00

I don't even know how to play the piano.

However, I've found a way to bang on the keys so it sounds halfway decent. This morning I knew I had a lot to do and I knew I had to fight.

Fighting can consist of quietly touching the keys to hear the voice of the Lord. Or, if I can't hear anything, but my worries and burdens, then shouting with all my strength in my empty house.

I need the Lord.

I am going through season where I won't make- I can't even fake it- without Him.

...and it's wonderful.

God Bless your day :)

Power and Mercy Both

2010-12-11T09:36:00.000-08:00

"God has spoken once, twice I have heard this: That power belongs to God. Also to You, O Lord, belongs mercy; For You render to each one according to his work." (Psalm 62:11&12)

There was something so powerful about this verse to me today.

For God is everything.

He makes the world turn each day and set the universe in order. He put every small cell in place on my body and controls the beat of my heart and provides the oxygen for my lungs. How wonderful is the Lord!

How safe I feel, that power belongs to God. That my obedience and faith brings Him into action. How thankful I am, me a wicked sinner, that I can have the opportunities God has given me. From the opportunity to live today to the privilege for a citizenship in Heaven. That someone like me, you, and us would be the ones to share the gospel.

I am going to go work with children today on the Christmas program. God is so incredibly real and personal with me and I want these children to know how powerful and merciful God is.

It's in His character to hold such great black and white justice, but somehow be rich in abundance of mercy because of what Jesus did on the cross.

I am a bit astounded this morning.

God Bless :)

What do People Need?

2010-12-10T17:29:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I just stand and look at myself in the mirror.

Not because I think I look amazing or anything like that.

It's because I am thinking about life and how life is so funny.

It's this glorious push and pull that seems to shape us into who we are. It's God's hand pressing down and showing me who I am suppose to be. It's wondering what is going on in my neighbor's mind. It's wondering what my friends are thinking and too... what my enemies are thinking.

What do people need?

They need help, they need love, and they need Christians to be Christians. They really need Jesus. I mean, I have Jesus and I still need Jesus.

I want to break past talk and really show some action in my life.

Today I am tired and my injured leg is killing me, but I am going to give my little brother my good attitude, energy, and all the fun I have in me... and supernaturally get more fun than I have.

We will probably go buy $0.79 donuts and drive around looking at Christmas lights and sing Christmas songs at the top of our lungs. It's going to be a great memory.

On another note- there is a guy sitting in Starbucks two tables down and I don't think I am going to talk to him because I am going to leave in just a few seconds, but I am certainly going to pray for Mr.Grey-Winter-Hat guy.

Sometimes people just need prayer and he may never know that I gave to him tonight and that is perfect.

God Bless :)

So, I am the Opposition?

2010-12-09T22:15:00.001-08:00

"Women must be able to access health care without fear of violence, harassment, or intimidation. Young people must be able to get accurate information about their health and how to protect it. And women, men, and teens must able to make their own decisions about their health and their futures without government intrusion.

Anti-choice extremists do everything they can to prevent women and men from taking charge of their lives. If these radicals truly were concerned about women and families, they would work with Planned Parenthood to reduce unintended pregnancy in the first place by doing the only thing that works — increasing access to affordable birth control and comprehensive sex education.

Planned Parenthood fights anti-choice extremism on every level. Unfortunately, anti-choice extremists continue their attacks on Planned Parenthood and the people we serve." -From the plannedparenthoodaction.org site.

I think the sentence that punched me in the face the most is: "Anti-choice extremists do everything they can to prevent women and men from taking charge of their lives."

Dear Pro-Choice People,

Is this what you really think of me? I've never thought of myself as 'anit-choice', I like to call myself pro-life. Also, I am not here to prevent you from taking charge of your life. I am here to prevent you from taking your child's life.

Yes, I am here to be the opposition.

I am here to fight tooth and nail for people. I am here to speak up for the ones who have no voice. I am here to gently, reasonably, compassionately, lovingly, and wholeheartedly say, "Is there another way?". I am here to share the gospel. I am here to support abstinence and adoption. I am here to say the hard things in life because I love people. I love the mother and the child, I really do.

I am not here to be violent, harass, or intimidate you. My motivation isn't to 'get my way'. Also, I am certainly not ignorant and uneducated. I don't come swinging with my emotions and harsh words flashing about, but I come filled with tenderness and compassion. I want to hear you and your story. I want to know what brought you to the place you are today and what I can do to help you.

Your Friend,
JJ

I read the quoted statement from plannedparenthoodaction.org and thought, "No wonder people think I am a terrible person when I say I am a Christian. These statements are a bucket of lies."

God Bless :)

Did you see my blog 5,395 People?

2010-12-09T22:01:00.000-08:00

Not yet? Check it out! Click HERE.

Can you tell me what you think of it?

Am I crazy for trying it?

Am I selfish for doing it?

Do you feel funny when a Christian is asking for money? (That rhymed.)

Do you have any idea how I can make it bigger? Get to more people?

Also-

I was thinking of going onto atheist blogs and asking them to donate a $1.00 if they wanted to send me to Bible College and really get a challenge from an educated Christian.

Is that dumb?

Is that smart?

Am I am annoying you with all these questions?

God Bless :)

The Way Things Are

2010-12-09T21:50:00.000-08:00

Here is the deal:

I was praying the other day and the Lord started speaking and He was showing me in His own special way that I was going to dabble in several things at once.

So, I am going to write not just one great and glorious blog, but 3 blogs with different goals.

This one in the free-for-all-anything-goes blog.

This one, is going to be fun.

So, randomly I am going to post a picture of myself and start to really write out what God is doing in my life. Why? Well, I am not sure why, I just think I've grown and...

And because... God Sees... and He knows... and I want to tell and hear all at the same time. It's all for His glory and it's for people to know Him.

God Bless!

It's been a while, but...

2010-08-25T19:22:00.000-07:00

But I just have to let it spill:

In the last months I've prepared for school, only to find out I am not going. I am moving out my house in two days. Two friends has passed away one a Christian... the other I am not so sure.

It was odd how the girl I knew to be a Christian passed and I stood in the room when she passed. The nurse said usually when a person goes thier heart beats erractically and then they suddenly... go.

It was different for her, somehow I knew she was holding hands with Jesus and walking through a garden peacefully. Jesus was whispering, "It's okay." She was born with this sickness and we were all fairly prepared. I held my friend, her little sister when this girl went and I felt her sobs rake through her body as she mourned. I cried looking into the eyes of the (oh, I can't remember what he is called... the holy-guy who comes in and prays over the dying) and saw his pity.

The other friend died in a drug overdose. That one hit me hard and changed me forever. I heard it and it hit me and I couldn't breathe at the thought. I couldn't even comprehend, I couldn't judge- with him I just had to trust. I still do trust the Lord.

I am sitting here in a coffee shop. I don't have internet at home. I will at my new place in a couple of days...

...maybe I will write more then.

God Bless :)

His name was Robert

2010-06-15T15:51:00.001-07:00

I was driving down the road I take five days a week to get home at about 8:45pm yesterday. I wanted to turn down Fairview Rd., like I always do, and couldn't because it was blocked off by cones and police officers.

I cringed and felt a gentle shock hit me when I saw the motorcycle in pieces on the ground and the little tan colored four door car with a massive dent on the driver's side. There was glass and a dozen cops and tragedy thick in the air.

My dad was calling me and I answered, taking another road and still gripped by what I saw. The ambulances had been there and left and immediately I told my dad what I had seen.

He said, "Oh, so now your on the phone after seeing that?"

He was joking, and I said, "Uh, guess I shouldn't be, huh? If the motorcycle guy lived it would be a miracle."

My dad looked up on the Internet and saw nothing about the accident yet, I suppose it was too soon.

He called me back the next morning and let me know that the crash was in the news and that the guy had indeed died. I asked if there was a name and dad said not yet. At work I thought about the motorcycle guy. I felt attached, seeing his actual place of death. He had no idea it was coming and it just... happened.

After work I called my dad and my dad said the motorcycle guy was 38 years old. I'll bet he had a family and people who loved him. I wonder if he knew Jesus. I think I am going to find his obituary and read it too- I just want this reality to hit me.

I have to share the gospel like there is no tomorrow.

For some people- there isn't.

His name was Robert.

God Bless :)

I am in this neat season...

2010-05-11T16:24:00.000-07:00

It's this season in life where it's just Jesus and me are just walking around hand-in-hand and it's both wonderful and hard.

I am finding that there really isn't much else in life to consider, nothing more profitable than what is found in the Bible.

Why?

Why! Because the Bible has every answer to life, it's full of fantastic, true story, adventures all for the glory of God.

I am walking around with an in-depth understanding that I am a sinner, yet the grace of God is upon me all the same. There is this incredible righteousness and peace and joy that settles in my soul when I go into the refuge of God. The Secret Place, my Hiding Place (or you know, when I read my Bible and pray in the mornings).

As I lay me and my will down- I pick up a full thriving life. It is exciting and challenging. It is bitter and sweet. It is picking up a cross and dying to myself and living out my life to prepare for the rest of my life.

It is... something hard to put into words really.

Remember when Moses and the Isrealites in the desert would follow the cloud of God around in the desert? My life is like this right now- I am living my life and then God's will is revealed to me and I can put down anything at anytime to pack my things and move with the cloud of God. It is testing and fast changes and a transformation that is... wonderful.

Simply wonderful.

Know what I am talking about?

God Bless :)

Politics- I did it!

2010-04-03T13:09:00.000-07:00

Yes... I am doing it... I am writing in this blatantly Christian blog about politics...

You'll never guess my political views!

Or, you would, of course I am a Republican.

Straight up conservative- indeed.

So, what is the root of conservative/republican or liberal/democratic?

Worldview, definetly.

I am curious: What are you and why?

I am on a "Why" kick, lately ;)

I've been doing a lot of research on 'why' I am the way that I am. I am not a conservative because my pastor or parent or church leader is (althought I do like to be on thier team, because they agree with what I believe in). I am a conservative because most of the republican agenda lines up with my personal core values (which are based on the Bible).

I am not going to walk around in laziness and dumbness and I am not afraid to be intelligent. As a Christian, I want to know who I am and why.

Not sure, but I think I'll be blogging more about political things. Why? Because that is the part of me I am building lately.

Oh! and because I am super interesrted in politics and might want to make it my career someday- would you vote for me? ;)

God Bless :)

My Heart Beats for Jesus

2010-03-29T18:24:00.000-07:00

I am still here, still kicking. I am saving money and not having internet at home, so my internet time get prioritized with the quick-important stuff.

Hmmm.

There is so much to write about, yet so little.

I am just walking and breathing and living out all my moments for Jesus.

I wonder, what does the atheist live for?

Why do they live day by day, what makes the atheist want to get up in the morning?

This world is so full of darkness and sin. I pretty much completely hate darkness and sin. I live for light and righteousness. I look upon the cross and weep. I look in the mirror and see beauty and value only because God said I am beautiful and valuable and full of purpose.

Yet, with no God... I ask, why?

My why: Jesus.

Your why? I want to hear it.

God Bless :)

So, I went on my Free Trip to Hawaii...

2010-03-03T18:51:00.000-08:00

It was a big trip! Too much to write, so I'll do an artsy sum-it-up-thing:

Airplanes are not made for a 125lb girl in a wheelchair with a mental disability who requires a lot of stuff- those planes are just too small (even the big ones). Six hour flights with a 125lb girl in a wheelchair with a mental disability can test a Christian and make them see what their made of.

That was the biggest question: What am I made of?

I am sitting on a plane and I am sweating and I am hot and I am tired and I am looking at Jessie (girl I work with) and her mom. Jessie is done and confused and mad at me for making her be quiet for six hours. Then I am looking out the window and I can see palm trees and blue skies and the ocean in finally meeting land. We wait until the entire plane is empty and then we... go! I am in charge of six bags, leg pegs to a wheelchair, a seat bottom to a wheelchair and (you guessed it) a wheelchair. Jackie (Jessie's mom) is walking Jessie off the plane by holding her torso and encouraging Jessie to walk on her own the best she can.

Then we are off! It's windy and muggy- but beautiful! It smells like the ocean. After an adventure of finding the car rental place with a shouting/screaming girl with disabilities we are finally in a van that isn't made for the girl with disabilities (hard to get her in/out).

Who am I? Right now I am wondering if I am actually the Christian I say I am. I am wondering if I have what every Christian walks with: Righteousness, Peace, Joy?

Then we get to the hotel and can do nothing fun at first- because Jessie needs to sleep desperately- but probably won't sleep. After we eat dinner, Jackie tells me to go to my room.

Then I an walking through a beautiful hotel (The Sheraton in Maui) and sometimes the halls are normal halls and sometimes it opens up to giant open views and I am thinking about how I got through what I just got through.

How?

All I can do is thank Jesus.

That is how my week was. My days usually started out with a quiet morning of Jessie and I walking around the gorgeous grounds and then into unbelievable stress because Jessie was not happy doing 'fun vacation things' (like riding a tour train, going to a luau, hanging on the beach, going to the pool, going through an aquarium,etc.)

My days ended with riding a shuttle into town and shopping. Sometimes I sat on the beach and watched arguably the most beautiful sunset in the world. Sometimes I sat on my beautiful beach view porch and read the Bible. One evening, I swarm alone in the warm pool and just relaxed.

Each evening it really ended with realizing I knew who I was: I was a Christian.

I am a follow of Jesus Christ and even in the most stressful of times, through the grace of God, I can maintain righteousness, peace and joy. For some reason, God wanted to give me a free trip to Hawaii and I thank Him still for such a trip. I thank Him so that I can tell others what great things God does in my life.

God Bless :)

Smitty

2010-02-04T12:22:00.000-08:00

The girl in a wheelchair I work with can get pretty moody by the end of our day together.

Like, screaming across a McDonald's periodically every ten seconds.

I mean, she is just letting me know she wants to go home. There isn't really another way for her to express that she is tired, done, and wants to go home. We are working on sign language for her to express these emotions... but these things take time.

So, I am use to people sort of staring at us out of the corner of their eye. It is obvious that she is special needs. I kindly, patiently, and with every ounce of myself trusting in the Lord talk to her and assure her that her mom is on the way. Really, I don't even mind the shouting and emotional roller coaster she puts herself through. Somehow, God just grants me peace in the center of it all.

This is the scene when a tall, big, and very cowboy-like man walks up to us. He lays his hand on my shoulder and says, "I just wanted to say I admire you for what you are doing here." His voice is rough and reminds me of a rancher.

I smile up at him and say, "I couldn't do it without the Lord."

His eyes get big, "That's exactly it, I was seeing Jesus."

My own expression melts and I say, "Really?"

He nods, "Just serving and serving, giving and giving- just like Jesus."

"Thank you, sir." I am all smiles.

He sticks out his hand and says, "What your name?"

I shake his hand and say, "Jessica, what's yours?"

"Smitty. God bless you, Jessica." Then he walks away.

That is how I want to live every moment in my life...

So everyone can "See Jesus" in me.

God Bless :)

The Worst Sunday Ever

2010-01-31T18:35:00.000-08:00

Today was one of the worst Sundays I have ever had. Most of my Sundays are purely 'Fun-days'. Today? It was a... yuck-day.

It all started at 8:20 a.m., which was about two hours and twenty minutes past the time I usually wake up on Sundays. I was suppose to be there at 7:15 a.m. and prepare the overheads for the children's worship/offering/books of the Bible time. Praise God, someone else did it for me.

Then I got in trouble by my authority, she let me know it was the worst day to be late. I just sunk into humility and embraced her correction and apologized thoroughly.

After this my overhead duties were less than perfect. I kept messing up and my brain was totally out of order, as were the slides in the slide shows.

Finally, when in worship by the edge of the stage I was tapped on the shoulder by one of my pastors and he had to say, "Can you scoot over so we can get on stage?" The tears wanted to come after that one.

Oh, the humility still.

I needed it all and am so thankful.

The message seemed directly aimed at me, it was about prayer.
It was about needing God.
It was about walking in desperation for the Lord.
It was about humility.

The truth is... I need God.

I can't just come to church and 'do my thing'. I need God, everyday, in every way.

So, I am walking through the lobby, just trying to get my day over with and go on with life with my lesson learned when the sweetest soul named Tina grabs my arm and says, "This is for you. God bless you."

I ask, "What is this?" (In my hand is a Starbucks gift card)

She says, "It's for you, there is $15 on it."

Then she quickly leaves, I walk down the hall thinking: Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry!

How did she know?

The love of God is so purposeful, so amazing.

Truly, on the worst Sunday of my life, I am humbled.

God Bless :)

Hawaii Trip...

2010-01-24T20:29:00.000-08:00

Here is my issue:

Firstly,

2 Corinthians 6:14-17 (New King James Version)
14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? 15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? 16 And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you[a] are the temple of the living God. As God has said:

“ I will dwell in them
And walk among them.
I will be their God,
And they shall be My people.”[b]

From my personal perspective, all I want to do is serve this family. I want to serve them and show them what a real Christian is like and the love of God. Yet, this verse says do not team up with unbelievers. You see, I would have been in the same room as this family.

When was I suppose to pray?

I don't watch most movies, because God has called me into separation from the world.

I love this family with all my heart. The problem is this mother does 'chanting prayers' and she actively evangelizes. I didn't even want the appearance of being teamed up with someone who wasn't a Christian.

Secondly,

2 Timothy 2:23-26 (New King James Version)
23 But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. 24 And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, 25 in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, 26 and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.

So, I followed this verse in 2 Timothy and I told her my standards as a Christian.

Guess what she did?

She redid the whole trip!

I have a single room and she knows what I will not do as a Christian.

Guess who is going to Hawaii for free and getting paid to do it?

Me.

Why?

Because of the testimony of my Christianity.

Truly, Praise the Lord.

God Bless :)

My Free Trip to Hawaii

2010-01-15T15:12:00.000-08:00

I almost get to go on a free trip to Hawaii.

The girl that I work with is in a wheelchair and needs assistance. Her mom is willing to pay for my trip if I can go and work for them on the trip.

At first, my work would not let me go. That was fine and dandy, my emotions were not attached to Hawaii, I wasn't even that disappointed because the people I work for are Buddhists...and well, you know I got to be careful and all that.

Then the mom threw a fit and called another agency. At first my heart pounded in my chest at the thought, I was about to lose most of my job! (because I work with another little boy too) Then she came and let me know that she wanted to take me with her. This agency paid more and offered more hours and vacations were just fine.

Bam!

Okay, so I was going to Hawaii.

Then, my church leader and my mom had issues with the Buddhist thing. They didn't want me to go to Hawaii. The Bible is very serious about spending too much time with unbelievers and I would be living with this family for 5-7 days. I understood my leader's point, I longed for the peace to just follow what she said...

It was crazy, it has almost been 3 years sense I disagreed with a church leader. I thought I reeked with rebellion. When the church leader asked me how I felt what did I say?

Nothing. Nada. Silence. Why? I wanted to nod and just obey.

Yet, I couldn't. Peace escaped and chaos plagued. It felt like the enemy was attacking me. The church leader wanted me to go talk to my client's mother and say I couldn't go to Hawaii. Guess what? I failed! It wasn't that I was scared, I just didn't have the words! God was not handing me the usual easy words and there was no peace! None at all!

It was three days of no sleep and constant chaos raging through me. God wouldn't just let peace descend upon me. It was, again, just crazy.

The church leader asked me again on the second day how I felt. My response? I cried into the phone and said, "This is just rocking and shaking me." She said, "You're not the only one. Lot's of people are being rocked and shaken. God is challenging us to live a holy and sanctified life. Just imagine a sold out generation, thousands upon millions of people in stadiums with arms raised to Jesus! Imagine it! We just have to obey God."

I agreed. We discussed how I hadn't sought God on this. So I searched the scriptures, expecting to feel peace after that and just be done with the whole issue. Yet, it didn't happen.

Then, I realized my silence to my church leader was actually disobeying God.

So three nights later at a church meeting I finally went up to her and spilled how I felt. Understanding dawned on her face and she is praying about the issue now.

I'll let you know whether I have a free trip to Hawaii or not.

Al that matters is this peace in me.

Between a trip to Hawaii and God's presence, I am all about the presence.

God Bless :)

Actually, It's a True Poem

2010-01-04T22:42:00.000-08:00

The Christmas Orange
J.J. Day

The bank took my single mom’s money
and then they took mine too.
My teary mother said, “Honey,
I am so sorry this happened to you.”

I believe in God with all my heart
I prayed and still believed
I would not let this part
God and I, with tears on my sleeve.

Christmas just days away,
Christmas would be small.
My mom had to say,
if a Christmas at all.

I talked to my dad,
Christmas would be about Jesus.
Even in all this sad,
God would never leave us.

Then the day came,
when the church called,
asking for my mother’s name,
asking to come and not stall.

She came back with a big present
and gifts and love.
God had given and sent
all this straight from above.

I searched through the gifts,
this time with tears of joy.
I was really in lift,
surrounded by these toys.

At the bottom of my stocking
I felt a round object.
It was almost shocking,
God had made us His love project.

This object?

A Christmas Orange.

A Life-Cliff

2009-12-28T16:42:00.001-08:00

I am standing at the edge of a life-cliff. One foot is hovering over as if I am about to step off into faith-land. My hands are clinging to the tree branch behind me and I keep telling my body, "Go, just do it." Yet, my body won't move. I am not committing suicide... or am I?

It's this little subject called: Dying to Self.

It has to do with God love.

It is the most challenging thing and every person has to come to this life-cliff. We have to decide, are we going to be what God called us to be?

This is where I am at!

I've given it all up.

Now I stand on that life-cliff, really I jump off it everyday. My entire reality is changing all the time and I am... I am just a new person than I was 10 minutes ago.

It's crazy and hard and fantastic and wonderful and an adventure and I love it. I basically do this: Not what I want to do. I do what God wants to do. I love people by not doing what I want to do, but serving them. We are either a slave to Satan/Sin or a slave to God, I for one choose to serve God and live the life He has called me too.

Then, after I don't do what I want to do... I slowly develop a desire to do what God wants to do. Usually, I would want to self-seek, selfishly follow my pride and desire to be self-important.

Now?

Now, I want to love, be joyful, have peace, be patient. To hold kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness for those around me. I want to have self-control! (gal 5:22)I don't want to be a servant, writer, singer, intelligent person. I don't want to be cool and popular. I don't want money and fame and glory.

I want to love God and people.

So, with my eyes wide open, my hands unclench each morning in prayer and reading the word I let my foot take a step off that cliff and I just... fall. I realize my need and desperation for God each day and this is where revival begins.

This is where the world gets changed.

Who's with me?

God Bless :)

I Fell Last Year

2009-12-26T09:38:00.000-08:00

I fell hard.

It hurt so bad.

I was standing at the top too. A leader in the eyes of everyone and quite respected. Yet, there were problems.

I couldn't really open my Bible and I couldn't really pray. There were sins in my life that were so big and consuming and I couldn't believe that I could I get out of them. So cycle after cycle I went through this twisted process. A process where I sinned and then I cried under guilt and condemnation and then I went to church and got fired up and then I went home... and sinned.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. I knew it! Yet, I needed to know it in my heart.

You know what though?

Over and over again I told God I would give up anything for Him. He hadn't asked me to give up the 'big things' yet. Then there was this pivotal moment in the middle of September 2009 where God finally said, "Okay, here it is, give it up?"

You know what I did?

I handed it all over.

You know happened next?

Freedom.

I come to my prayer closet each morning and I am exhausted. Truly and fully discouraged and tired and probably have had bad dreams and attacked, brutally attack by an unseen enemy. I cry out in my car at the Post Office (right next to my work) and I ask God for help. Help! In desperation I cry. Afraid, I will go back to the way I lived, afraid that I will not make it, afraid the enemy will win.

Guess what?

I leave that Secret Place with a supernatural strength. Each day I build my foundations as a Christian. I have given up writing the way I used too and I have given up deep heart sins that nobody see. My life is lived now in transparency. I have no shame and no secrets and I live my life each day reaching for integrity. Living my life for righteousness, peace, and joy. I live my life to respond to each trial correctly, not cower into my own secret dark places, for God is my refuge.

God is going to do something big...

He is preparing His people today.

God Bless :)

upROAR Project- Sound of the Harvest

2009-12-15T17:35:00.000-08:00

My "Official Title" is "Personal Assistant" to Kelsey Ebling.

I say this because it is half true and half funny. When Kelsey approached me, she said, "I have a bunch of stuff that needs done that doesn't fit into a category and I need someone to help me with that."

I said, "Like a personal assistant?"

She said, "Well... no, um..."

I said, "I think it is what is sounds like!"

She said, "Well... yeah, but I would feel really bad to call you that."

I said, "I will only help if you call me your Personal Assistant."

Hesitantly, she agreed. To make matters more fun for me (and more funny-ly uncomfortable for her) I call her Bosslday.

She is in charge of marketing the upROAR Project.

upROAR is a a Boise-based worship ministry. Our first project is called Sound of the Harvest. I write stuff God puts on my heart in this blog and upROAR is officially on my heart lately. I am working hard to help Kelsey and the rest of the marketing team with spreading the word about upROAR. Our mission is reaching a financial goal to make a full-length CD.

Check out upROAR's website at www.uproarproject.wordpress.com or via itunes. On itunes, search Sound of the Harvest, this fundraising album is a good deal at $2.97 for 3 songs. Please support us if you can :)

Maybe send up a prayer? Thanks.

God Bless :)

J's Story

2009-12-14T17:49:00.000-08:00

(J is a girl I work with, I use J to protect her identity)

J's Schedule:
I walk into her house promptly at 9:00 a.m.. She is in bed and she gets out and lands on her knees. Then she makes her bed. Then J crawls and does a slow, long circle and finally lands on her back to stretch. 60 seconds a leg, I count out loud for her. Then she crawls to her closet and opens the door. I pick out three shirts and she picks one. She is showing me signs for 'walking' and 'bathroom'. These mean that bathroom is next and she wants me to hurry and she wants to walk today. Next we spend about twenty minutes picking out pants, socks and undergarments. I pick up all her clothing when we are done. She crawls to the bathroom. We spend another twenty minutes getting her dressed. After the bathroom she asks for music and sometimes she climbs up to turn the bathroom light off.

Then, while I get her 'music' (radio and 3 Cd's) she crawls to the kitchen table. She needs my hand on her back so she feels safe while she stands up and then I push the chair behind her as she sits. We spend 45 mins to an hour eating breakfast. Then I brush her hair and teeth for her. Finally I put her braces on her legs and her shoes on. I hand her her crutches and say, "You have to do the work, I am just balancing you." She stands up and we walk to the bathroom. It is a slow walk and she needs my hand on her back/arm to make her feel safe.

After the bathroom her mom helps me get her into her wheelchair and then we help her put her coat on. She hates hats and gloves, every morning we try to put them on her and every morning she tears them off. Even going as far as spitting at us to prove her point.

We drive to a department store and she moans and groans loudly some mornings. She loves to walk and she is impatient. I am teaching her a sign similar to 'Bored'- I touch my nose, but her finger on makes it to her teeth. We get to Walmart/Fred Meyer/Albertsons/Kohls...etc.

At the department store we happen to be at that day she gives me the 'restroom' sign and then we do the deed. Then we walk with crutches for twenty minutes. Then we do some fine motor work. Then we walk again. Then some more fine motor work. Then walk. Then we eat. Lunch at her house is easy for both of us. Often we eat out thought. She sits in her wheelchair and doesn't like to eat out and so she screams and shouts out to let me and everyone else in the place know she isn't happy.

Then we drive home and if she did well that day she gets the reward of playing a computer game designed for children 1-3 years old.

J is 21 years old (2 years older than me) and has cerebral palsy. At conception to birth she was a normal living baby girl. J's birthing doctor forgot an internal monitor and she swallowed (gross stuff) in the birth canal. This caused her to grow up in a wheelchair and she did not learn how walk until she was 9 years old. Her doctors also think she is mentally retarded. I have worked with her for just over 3 months now.

Want to know a secret?

I don't think she is mentally retarded.

I think she knows a lot more than meets the eye.

I cannot wait to tell you all what I have learned from her!

God Bless :)

3...2...1! Release.

2009-12-14T17:43:00.000-08:00

Want to know why God had me not write for several months?

Sum-it-up: Time Managemet, idolizing writing, and solidfying my faith :).

I spent way too much time on writing, like 4 hours a night. Nope, I didn't spend 4 hours a night on blogging, but I did spend it on writing fiction works. Also, there was this barrier between me and God in certain areas because of the fact that I was putting writing before God. Lastly, I am working on my "Roots" or the foundations of my faith right now.

So, I have it directly in my schedule for this time to be set for "Fun Blog Writing". I cannot write unless it is scheduled. So far I have a once a week spot for blogging. We'll see how it goes from here out.

God Bless :)

(P.S. I missed this place)

Release?

2009-10-04T14:48:00.001-07:00

I am waiting for God to give me permission again to write.

It's a serious thing for me.

It's been two weeks sense I have really written all (another big deal).

I will be back.

Just waiting for a release.

God Bless,
J.J.

Our Judeo-Christian Nation

2009-09-06T18:19:00.000-07:00

I rather like this guy.

God Bless :)

Boise State and Bob Hanus

2009-09-05T21:15:00.000-07:00

Boise State vs. Oregon State night.

Here are the stats:

100-Tows

100-Parking Tickets

150- Open Alcohol Tickets

4- People Arrested Alcohol Violations

2- DUIs

7- Pedestrian Tickets

18- Under 21 w/Alcohol

7- Littering

4- Urinating in Public

2- Loud House Parties

7- Drug Use

2- Giant Crosses

I walked around the BSU game with Bob Hanus the Crosswalker. He is this cool guy who walks around with a giant cross on his back (think Jesus style). Me and church members walked around passing out a pamphlet with Bob's story and 'Jesus Loves You' tracks with salvation verses. It was a crazy party atmosphere and makes me realize I am quite sheltered at times. I mean, it was like highschool on a serious sugar high.

We just said, "Jesus loves you." And handed Jesus-papers out.

Sometimes they laughed, sometimes they said mean things....

Sometimes they met our eyes and were genuinely thankful,

Hopeful even.

God Bless. :)

Skydiving and Watching It

2009-09-04T13:47:00.000-07:00

Here is how the story goes:

I pretty much invite myself when my friend Robyn says she is going skydiving with her dad. I want to see this, because if you ask me, it is quite a big deal. If you ask Robyn why she wants to skydive she says, "Well, I told everyone I was going to go skydiving for my 18th birthday and I thought I better be telling the truth."

If you look at her as she gets ready for this skydiving experience, she looks like she is about to take a walk in the park. Me? I would probably be cracking jokes like there no tomorrow (because joking is how I cope with life in general). Like I find a verse and dub it her theme verse, Psalms 54: 4 says, 'But God is my helper. The Lord keeps me alive!'.

We watch a very interesting video. The video starts on this guy's face and then slowly pans out.

As he talks about skydiving basics, in my brains I am saying,

Oh, he has beard.

Oh, there is more beard.

Wow... even more beard.

There is so much beard on this skydiving professional that he could use it as a blanket.

Five people take off in the four-person plane. I stand at the bottom with Robyn's mom and the lady who drove us out to the landing point is really distracted. We round the corner to ask the lady, who is on the phone, a question and she points. Oh! They already came from the plane and now they are little dots!

I point Robyn's family's video camera up and wait for it to focus in on the little dots. As they land I accidentally give silly commentary.

There is this point, where it is almost majestic, and they are flying, floating, and falling and its wonderful to watch. Beautiful even.

I get Robyn with the camera landing. She lands gracefully on her behind. When we get to her she is glowing and beautiful and I think God met her somewhere up there.

I don't know, maybe I'll have to skydive myself and see.

God Bless. :)

My Prayer Time This Morning

2009-08-27T11:54:00.000-07:00

I had one of those nights where I dreamed discouraging dreams and I woke up with something heavy on my spirit. As I got the coffee going and had a little toast I decided to read my Bible before I prayed. I sat there and I felt... restless. I tried to shake this 'feeling' off. When I was ready to pray I put on some worship music and.... nothing would come out of my mouth. I had no idea what was happening, I was just... just silent.

Yet, as I stood there something aggressive in me rose up.

I just let out a SHOUT! It was one of those, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

I started yelling at the devil. Letting him know he wasn't allowed in my life.

I punched the air, I was shouting, I was mad, I was done with playing around. I wasn't going to let anything topple me over. I was Jacob, I wrestled with God. I wanted a heart change.

You see, there are things that I am waiting on God for.

My faith, it isn't struggling necessarily, it is just being tested.

I have several unanswered prayers going on. As I walked back and forth in my living room, shouting and asking God to change me. Asking God to do what He said He would. Waiting for him to say something, I got my answer.

You see, I am looking for a job, have been for the last two weeks and I got my first interview as God was leading through the Bible for verses on waiting on Him. Then another prayer was answered about two seconds after the phone call. Then things.... started clicking.

I danced through my house, shouting with victory, like David did when he finally got to be king. I celebrated, I rejoiced.

God whispered, laughter in His voice, "I want to give you the world, don't you know that?"

Sometimes you just got to get aggressive and wrestle with God. Oh, and wait a bit.

God Bless :)

Our Eyes Met

2009-08-25T09:57:00.000-07:00

A Story, that shows I am not perfect:

So, I had this date set with a lady from my mom's work. We needed to meet and I kept on forgetting. I forgot and I forgot. I didn't have her number, so that was an excuse (even if my mom had her number). I just sort of... let the whole meeting slide by me. I am really busy, so that was an excuse (how long would it have taken to just give her call?). That night wasn't going to be good for me and.... Oh, Lordy.

It's two days before the meeting that was planned and I was suppose to call her and Bam! Our eyes meet as I walk into the restaurant and she is walking out.

Of course I am embarrassed, surprised, and frazzled all in one and say, "Oh! I need to call you!"

She gives me a tight smile, "Yeah, Monday good for you?"

"Um... no, actually." I am dying inside of humiliation. "Something came up... I'll call you."

I walk away texting my mom about the incident and my mom is also pretty mortified at all this.

This is all a big deal for me, this lady isn't saved and I have been a bad, bad, bad Christian to her. Later my mom and I are sitting in the living room.

She says, "Don't take this the wrong way, but the Lord showed me something through what happened."

I brace myself.

She goes on, "What happened with (that lady), is what we can do as a Christians. You know, put off our Bible time, put off prayer, miss a church service here and there. Just let it... slide by. Then one day we are going to die and then," She paused and thought for a second. "When you said, 'Our eyes met', the thought hit me- like we are going to meet God's eyes someday. How will we feel? Will we feel surprised and humiliated and say 'Oh! I was going to pray to you!'. Or will we have spent all the time we needed with Him on Earth and know Him in heaven?"

Ah, the humility.

God is so good.

God Bless :)

What now, God?

2009-08-21T14:46:00.000-07:00

So as I prayed about college I kept getting a 'not this year' vibe from God.

It was money, but it was more than money.

It is something that when I am 40 years old I will look back and be like, "Oh, yeah, that makes total sense." I could have pushed getting the money, but it just wasn't God's will.

I am taken a year off. Taken a year of totally sounds like a blast to me at first. Cool people who get to take a year off travel Europe or do something fun. Me? I will be working full time and writing a lot.

There is so many life skills that need to be learned too. Like keeping myself in order in every part of my life. From the natural to the spiritual.

I recommend a book: Ordering Your Private World. It's good stuff, no matter who you are.

I was thinking about something. I am nineteen, did you know that officially nothing is keeping me at my church, but the Lord? Like, I can't say, "My parents make me." I could get up and leave tomorrow.

However there is this inner loyalty in me. A constant drive toward the Lord. God has done too much in my life for me to ignore Him.

As I walk around, I am stopping and listening and saying, "What now, God?"

What now, God?

I am excited, it's going to be an adventure.

God Bless :)

Last Day of Being 18 Years Old

2009-08-07T11:14:00.001-07:00

I grew so fast in this last year. (Last year I turned 18 on 08/08/08, fun huh?)

It's funny to walk around the mall and seeing all the back-to-school sales and knowing I won't be going back to school this year.

When I was 13, I didn't really believe that I would make it to 19. Not that I'd die, it was just like an unreachable concept for me.

Now sometimes I feel like I am 25 and sometimes I feel like I am 15. There are moments when I am asked to be an adult and moments when I am told that I am still too young. It's a complicated place to be.

But, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

God is led me through this last year and He'll lead me through this next year.

Wonder what 19 will bring?

We'll just have to see.

(P.S. I'll be at church camp for this next week, you won't see me around these parts)

God Bless :)

Emergent Church: Careful Now

2009-08-06T16:17:00.000-07:00

At the information table at church I picked up an article. I keep hearing whispers about the 'Emerging Church' and for the longest time I didn't know what it was. After reading this article and seeing that a leader of the Emergent Church came to speak at a Christian university in the a city twenty minutes away from me- I realized I wanted to know a bit more.

The article I read is from the website Through the Maze (http://www.beyondmormonism.com/). The article was incredible and I wish I could just copy and paste the whole thing. It's worth looking into and being aware.

It is one of those movements that calls itself Christianity, but isn't.

I don't know, reading about the Emergent Church sent up a hundred red flags and made me halt in my tracks.

I think this is just a warning. Careful now.

God Bless :)

(P.S. the book cover is by Brian McLaren, an Emergent guru. I don't recommend reading the book, I recommend reading about the dangers of the book.)

She Wants To Say, "No."

2009-08-05T16:48:00.000-07:00

So, I am sitting by the pool while in my one piece swim suit and modest shorts when I catch a glimpse of two teenagers about my age 'making-out'. There are a few families here too and I try to keep my eyes from watching, but nobody can totally avoid eye contact with what is going on.

(Also, I am going to try to write this without being judgemental. I am not going to say that it's wrong to sit in a pool and make-out. It's between them and Lord.)

Everybody here is quite uncomfortable with what is going on with this young couple. We are all trying to have fun, but it's hard.

As I try not to watch, almost against my will, I make an observation.

The girl is just as uncomfortable with this.

The boy's hands won't stay still and she gives him little uncertain smiles. He chases her when she runs and I can see it in her eyes, she wants to say, "No." She realizes everyone is slightly watching them. This girl isn't ready for what this boy is asking of her.

Now, I feel dreadfully sorry for her.

If she doesn't say no soon, he will get farther than she wants him to get. Yet, she likes him, she probably loves him, and she doesn't want him to be angry with her. What I am wondering is why this boy can't see what we all see. Is he blind? Or does he not care? Can he not see her discomfort? Or are his own needs more important than hers?

I remember when I was in sixth grade I had a boyfriend named Cody. We 'went-out' for three months. (I got saved in ninth grade and I am waiting for God to point to the right guy now). I remember swimming with Cody, I remember that feeling of being chased, I remember running from him. I remember feeling very overwhelmed as he tried to grab my feet and legs. He was asking for something I wasn't ready to give.

I remember why I dumped him too, I remember why I dumped all my boyfriends. It was all the same basic reason: I was overwhelmed, I wasn't ready. I have never been dumped before, they all liked me and wanted more of a relationship. However we would get to a point where it wasn't fun anymore, it was serious and I didn't want to give them all of me.

I couldn't give it all to them, I couldn't trust them.

When I met the Lord, I realized I could only trust Him.

I saw myself in that girl today.

I saw that she doesn't want to give everything she is to that guy yet.

I pray she finds the Lord too.

God Bless :)

The Foolish Guy, The Simple Guy, The Wise Guy

2009-08-05T09:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, so there are three basic types of people that proverbs (well, the Bible as a whole too) talks about. We got the fool, the simpleton, and the wise man.

Here we go, a (rough) thought on each:

Foolish Guy: Fools have made their decision, they have crossed the line, and they have an understanding that they don't want to be wise/godly/Christian. Proverbs 1:7 says, '... but fools despise wisdom and discipline'. They don't like anything having to do with being smart. They have chosen to be dumb and stick with it. They want to be filled with ungodly pleasure and hang-out in selfishness land. He is too lazy to do the important things in life and thinks he is wiser than seven REALLY smart guys. (proverbs 26:16)

Simple Guy: He stands on the line. He hasn't made his decision and he is looking between foolishness and wisdom going, "Ummmm...". Proverbs 19:25 says, '...the simpleminded will learn a lesson...' The scary thing about being the Simple Guy, is that you need to make your decision before Judgement Day, or things could turn out rather bad. There is a place the simpleminded need to come too with the Lord and whatever he puts most of his energy into, he will end up as. (Besides, being the Simple Guy sounds boring.)

Wise Guy: This guy is a real intellectual. He knows what he is doing and Who to trust. The Wise Guy is full of wisdom, discipline, he is insightful, and he understands. He is successful, always right, full of justice, and fairness. He has discernment, true knowledge, and is guided in the right direction (proverbs 1). The Wise Guy is full of peace and loves the Lord with all of his heart.

Not sure about you, but I know which 'guy' I want to be.

God Bless :)

Would I recognize Him?

2009-08-04T09:37:00.000-07:00

If Jesus walked up to me on the street today, would I know who He was? Would I recognize Him? Would I recognize His voice? His touch? His words? Would I be able to call Him, "Lord, Lord?"

These are the questions I am asking myself today.

God Bless :)

My First Flat Tire Story

2009-08-03T18:04:00.001-07:00

I drove to the next city to see my dad today. Everything was going just dandy. I always challenge myself to see if I can make in two hours instead of the 2 1/2 it generally takes.

Minding my own business with my brothers (Jacob is 12, Corry is 6) my car gets kind of wobbly about forty-five minutes from the city. I am wondering why the road is so bumpy, there is construction so we are now driving a temporary two-lane road when it is usually four-lanes, I thought maybe it was construction. Then I hear the sound of rubber hitting cement, it is a constantly fast thudding sound. I glance in the rear view mirror to see smoke and now I can smell burnt rubber.

I turn to Jacob and we both have curious, odd looks on our faces and I say, "Do I have a flat tire?"

Jacob shrugged, a worried expression, "I don't know."

I decide I do, there is obviously enough evidence. I pull over, we were going 65 mph so it was kind of a shaky stop, and wait for cars to pass so I don't open my door to passing traffic. I get out my car and look at my rear passenger tire and my hands are shaking. I am going to be 19 years old in five days and I am with two young boys alone. The traffic is whizzing by with big trucks that make a lot of noise. My dad is suppose to be at a doctors appointment in fifteen minutes and my mom is at work an hour and half away. I decide I need to call my dad, he is closer and well, a daughter just calls her dad first about these things. Yet my hands are still shaking and my voice will too if I call someone.

So, I jump back in the car and say, "Okay guys, we are going to pray first."

We pray and my hands aren't shaking anymore and the a calm rushes over me and I know that God is going to walk me through this and He does.

Both parents are called. The insurance agent is called. John's Tires calls me. We have to wait an hour in the blistering sun for John's Tires to get there. Although there is a slight blessed breeze, the six year old gets to take his shirt off because of the heat, we have lukewarm water (yuck, but I wasn't complaining), my car is sitting so we are all shaded. Corry gets to color on paper I have and they listen to me read about King Solomon's wisdom and Daniel interrupt dreams for the king from the Bible.

While we wait three different men stop to ask if we need help, I get to say, "No thanks, thank you, but God bless you!"

Finally John from John's Tires (We didn't know if he was the owner or just another 'John') comes and teases Corry and is quiet as he works, but nice. When he leaves I wave and say, "Thank you! God bless!" He waves back with a giant smile on his face and glint in his eyes that tells me he is pleased that I added 'God' to our parting.

As I drove away I wondered why there was so much joy in my heart when it looked like a bad, annoying, and frustrating situation.

I have a feeling it had a lot to do with God.

God Bless :)

Working on the Little Things

2009-07-30T14:14:00.001-07:00

I am having one of those months where I feel like I have nothing to say.

Where is my insight? My wit? My cleverness? My...eh, my.... ?

Oh, my.

Hm, so let me think. What could I write about?

I could write about little brothers, write about dads, write about summers, write about writing, write about writing about blogs, write about nothing.... Nope, can't write about nothing, gotta have purpose in my writing.

Let's see... God Sees? God.

Ah, yes.

Where does God have me right now?

Well, I have dreams that are bigger than me. Check.

Dreams about public speaking and writing. Check.

Dreams dedicated to God. Check.

Everything is in order.... No Check.

That is what I am doing right now. I am about to pick up a book from the library called Ordering Your Private World and I just got done reading Organizing for Your Brain Type (Great Book, it let me know I am not a hopeless slob). You see, I am preparing for when I am 'big for Jesus', (haha). I don't want to deal with money fraud because I didn't know how to organize my finances. I don't want to lose really important stuff, because I am not organized right now. I don't want a messy giant office, because I can't keep my room consistently clean.

You know what else? God likes to grow people, fast.

Every area that I beg God to change me... suddenly, I am getting better.

It's crazy how Christianity works.

God is so faithful.

Eh, don't know how insightful this is (because all real insight comes from the Bible). Yet, it's on the table.

(P.S. I just googled messy office, that picture has nothing to do with the way I live... Oh, Lord)

God Bless :)

Your Place with God

2009-07-24T12:01:00.000-07:00

I need to move.

I need to have purpose.

I got a restlessness in me that just wants to break out and be what God called me to be.

You know?

Like now. Like today.

I am not here to boast, but encourage, alright?

You see, I've been given the opportunity to be alone in the middle of the day. We have a free lunch in the park and my younger brothers go down and have lunch. It is two hours or so to myself and I have been praying for revival.

There is this place, in the middle of my prayers, really it is an indescribable place, where God brings me to touch His presence and I believe... I believe I can do anything through Christ Jesus. I believe that nothing is impossible with God.

You know how we get verses memorized? We sort of pack it into our heads and cringe and say, "Okay! I am going to believe this not matter what!"

It is different than that.

This place that God has been taking me makes me really, truly, with everything I am believe. It is an intimate place, so intimate I hesitate to even write about it, but God is calling me to write. So I write. It is a place full of courage and strength, tenderness and kindness, it is a place where God assures me, let's me rest, and I find Him and I am changed.

It's an odd thing to change daily.

In my prayers I let God know I am nothing without Him. That I am falling short, failing each and everyday- if I don't have Him. I let God know He can have anything and do anything, for I trust in Him. I have counted the cost and I am ready to fight the war.

I've gone this far and I won't be looking back.

How did I get here? Not by my power, not by my strength, but by His spirit. God's faithfulness in my life has brought me here. Over and over again, I have not been enough or been too much. I don't doubt in the future I'll fail over and over again, but I am a Christian, living and growing, no matter what the devil says.

Eh, I feel like I am talking about me a ton here.

I am not here to talk about me, I am here to encourage.

Have you found your 'place' with God?

Can't say I have totally arrived, but I understand that I am on my way.

(P.S. Yeah, couldn't think of a picture for this post. This is lightening over Boise, Idaho)

God Bless :)

Yohan Mark, Climbing the Ranks

2009-07-23T16:02:00.001-07:00

Yohan Mark.

I've known this guy for three years now.

I don't know how to recommend/advertise/market someone.

So, you'll just have to listen to him yourself.

You can find him at all the big 'music places' (amazon.com, napster, itunes...etc.)

I just googled him and it worked for me.

We've got a great Man of God here, we'd better not let him pass by.

God Bless :)

(P.S. Just found Yohan's website: www.yohanmark.com)

Whole Wheat

2009-07-22T12:00:00.000-07:00

Yet, another story, this one needs to be told:

Friends of mine will remember that I was really sick in my first semester of my senior year (Fall of 2008). Actually, it had been going on for years, but it got really bad the first of my senior year. I wrote about in my old blog (Words) too. I was really, really sick. It was a gluten allergy, I couldn't eat wheat. Just a little wheat and I was out for three days at least, if not more. It was a pain in my back, stomach, and a weakness I couldn't understand. It was even scary at times.

I was passed around from doctor to doctor, all with different explanations, until the solution was found with my current doctor. However, the solution wasn't really found- I just couldn't eat most of the foods I used too. I was feeling better, but I had to read every label. I felt great, I lost a bit of weight (not a bad thing, mind you), and I could not longer boast, "Oh, yeah, I can eat anything." Nope, I couldn't.

Then, (we believe in prophetic ministry- if you don't, eh, read the Bible? That's all I got about that.) my mom got prophesied over on a Wednesday night. The prophetic word over her said that she had strong healing hands.

Well, God said, I believed.

So, that night my mom prayed over me. She laid hands on my back, my stomach, me. Somehow, I knew I was healed by the power of God. The next day, with my eyes closed tight, I ate a food with the notorious, infamous, terrible wheat/gluten.

Nothing happened.

I was just fine. That was months ago and I am about to make myself sandwich.

With whole wheat.

God Bless :)

God said, "That was nothing for Me."

2009-07-21T11:32:00.000-07:00

I got another story:

(I am doing my best to remember and not make this flowery)

Pastor Bill was driving and God told him to look up at the sky, God said, "You see that cloud?"

Pastor Bill did see the cloud.

God said, "Can you do that?"

Pastor Bill laughed, of course he couldn't.

God said,"I made that."

Pastor Bill couldn't even hold that cloud in his hand, let alone make it.

God said, "Can you see the rest of the clouds?"

Pastor Bill did see, there were thousands of them.

God said, "That was nothing for Me. Why do you worry about anything? Anytime?"

I wept when I heard Pastor Bill tell this story at prayer.

Sometimes I wonder about myself, do I believe what I believe?

Really?

I dream, I dream big.

So, I am praying big. With big faith, with big hopes, big desires.

I am going to pray so big, that only God could accomplish the task.

That way, He gets all the credit.

God Bless :)

Lynda with a 'Y'

2009-07-16T12:50:00.000-07:00

Here is a story:

My friend and I were doing errands. First we would go to the credit union, then get coffee, then get my brothers lunch, then go to the library.

A lady named Lynda was a teller at the credit union I use and I kept trying to figure out how to share the gospel with her. It was like, "Oh, your name is spelled with a 'Y' instead of an 'I'....cool...um...." What was I supposed to do? "Yeah, Jesus didn't spell His name with a 'Y', speaking of Jesus...."

Eh. I couldn't figure it out.

So with that sitting in the back of my brain we went and got coffee. After I paid and they handed us our Starbucks they said, "We made an extra one accidentally, want it?"

Like we would say no. So, there we were with one more coffee and we looked at each other. A ripple of fear went through me, I know what God wanted us to do- Go back and give Lynda the coffee. So we fumbled with ourselves as we drove back to the credit union and kept going back and fourth on whether we would give her a track or not too. When we got there, we waited forever for the people at the teller desk with her. We had to let people go by us and kept saying, "Uh, we are waiting for Lynda."

Then we finally stepped up to the counter and handed her the coffee. We let her know it was directly from God and we just wanted to bless her.

She was stunned, "This is incredibly kind."

We left knowing we impacted her.

Guess what else? My (Christian) mom works for the same credit union and when I got home she told me she is transferring to the credit union by our house.

The one where Lynda with a 'Y' works.

God Bless :)

Under Construction

2009-07-15T15:43:00.000-07:00

Where does the time go?

I'll be 19 in less than a month. (I don't feel old enough to be 19- probably because I am not yet)

I am getting old, very fast.

I remember way back when I was 13 and 18 seemed like an unreachable dream. I have to say I really enjoyed 17 and 18, great years....

19 will be learning about how to not be distracted. I am one of those people who sees a little floating shiny and I am a goner. Whatever I am doing I have to learn how to love it, get emotionally attached to it, and then I can focus.

However, God is going to teach me how to work so hard that it hurts. To get past my desire to always be comfortable. Let me tell you, tomorrow I could stand up and share the gospel in front of a million people. I am never offended, never (because I don't like confrontation, so being humble is much easier). I have the best attitude in the world. Always smiling and it's real smiling too, because I am full of joy. I will serve anyone, anytime, anywhere. I'll put you in front of me in a heart beat. I will share the gospel. Discuss for hours with the atheist, agnostic, or anyone else who opposes the gospel. I will stay up all night to write out a novel burning in my heart, burning in fingers.

However....

It took me two weeks to confront the lady at the bank about a problem I had with my account. I am having a hard time going down and talking to the people at the passport office. I can't seem to call my school to ask for a unopened transcript. I had a hard time talking to my counselor at school about graduating after she told me she didn't think I was going to graduate. There is a guy at church I need to talk to about the way he treated people at the last church event and I am dreading every second until I face him.

Boy howdy, I am being brutally honest here.

It's taking life by the horns. It's being brave in the little things. It's getting my act together. It's keeping my schedule. It's doing my chores. It's confronting people when I need too. It's keeping my room clean. It's keeping my car clean. It's keeping my finances in order. It's keeping my eyes on the road and not looking to the left or the right, ever. It's integrity, honesty, loyalty, and heroism even when I don't want to do it. It's fighting the devil (hate that guy). It's keeping my heart as close to God as possible- every second of the day.

It's all just another form of worship to God.

Right now, I am just under construction, God is the only one with the blue prints (that's what building plans are called, right?).

God Bless :)

So Far in the Book...

2009-07-09T13:47:00.000-07:00

The Language of God by Francis S. Collins is fascinating, so far. It's one of those books I can't just read in day (like most books), because I am reading 3 other books right now too.

However, it keeps drawing me back.

I am not one for really seeing all the science stuff and focusing on it. I look at the heart, always.

There is a drift, a pattern, a journey I can see in Collin's life. He began as an agnostic, being kind of lazy and not wanting to deal with what he believed about eternity. (Not saying all agnostics are lazy, but he explained himself this way). Then he was challenged one day and found himself searching for the truth. I like him, he reminds me of me, that is how I came to know the Lord. It was a wholehearted, pure motivation, truth seeking, search. I threw my hands up nightly and said, "Pull me toward the truth, God! If You exist."

Boy, was I pulled.

Not by people, parents, or church leaders (actually I really disliked authority entirely). It was seeking even when everything look grim and dark, it was looking when there was nothing to see, and it was God's faithfulness in my life.

I just read a book that showed me another aspect of God's character called Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. It was that God is very relational, that he longs, wants, waits, for my response. He wants to spend time with me. To be my friend, heart lover, father, provider, protector, and everything else I will ever need. He longs for me to be near Him.

It breaks God's heart when I turn away from Him.

It breaks my heart to break God's heart.

I am going to get to the science stuff too, but come on, I am a woman, I have to get all emotional and know Collins' relationally before I get interested.

Blessings :)

Where I am, Where I am Going

2009-07-07T14:33:00.000-07:00

So, I don't know if anyone else had this occur with them too, but it is like a waterfall.

Graduating high school made my dreams hit me like a sudden storm.

I am going to be a writer, I am thinking of creating my own publishing company, and I am going to build God's Kingdom.

When I write though, my dreams can become fuzzy. Why? Because my apartment complex has paper thin walls. I can hear a baby screaming, kids speaking different languages just outside my window, and a couple yelling at each other. I look out my window and the grass has dirt patches and kids run around with no clothes on. When I walk home at night from my car (which is pretty far from my apartment, so I try not too), I walk past smoking men who stare boldly. Sometimes they mutter things, making me want to run past them.

I have no money for college. My mom is a single mom. My dad lives a city away (although props to him, he provides a lot). I always need things, but I never really speak up all that often. I live in a low income home. We are on food stamps (a republican on food stamps, makes me laugh!).

Through all this, I wonder, how will I get out of here?

You want to know something? God just gave me a Cinderella story.

Yet, I am still Cinderella. I am doing my best to dream and get ready for the prince. The prince might not necessarily be some guy with a sword ready to sweep me off my feet (Or maybe he is? Eh?). However, it represents rising above the 'just getting by' attitude. Someday I will have money to hand over generously to those in need (in larger amounts than I have now to give out). Someday we won't get any more 'pay your rent or get out' notices. Someday, someday, someday.

Although, I really don't want anyone to feel bad for 'the little cinder girl'. Oh, no. I am happier than most billionaires, totally. I have the joy of the Lord. Every time it looks like I am about to fall down financially the Lord provides. God is my provider and He has never let me down. I have four walls around me and roof over my head. Everything that I ask the Lord quietly for is provided soon after I have asked.

I am well loved and well provided for. Indeed.

Although, a girl can still dream, can't she?

God Bless :)

Changed My Name

2009-07-04T13:05:00.000-07:00

I hope it isn't that big of a deal.

I just decided on a pen name.

J.J. Day

Look for it in the next couple of years, I am going to publish books!

What do you think? You like it?

Obviously if you know me, I am a girl. However, I want men to buy my books too so I chose a genderless (sounding) name.

Praise the Lord, I really want to get into the Christian writing world.

Anywho, God Bless :)

Reading A Book- Ever read it too?

2009-07-02T12:38:00.000-07:00

I don't recommend it or not recommend it yet.

You see, I am not done reading it.

If you have- let me know what you think of it.

It's called:

The Language of God: A Scientist Presents Evidence for Belief
By Francis S. Collins

I have a feeling I will end up recommending it, just don't know yet ;)

I bet some posts will be inspired from this book in the future.

God Bless

Careful

Dropped Off the Face of the Earth Again...

2009-06-27T16:32:00.000-07:00

Please send up a prayer that I get a power cord for my computer soon.

If your an athiest....ummm...? Yeah, don't know. :)

Just wanted to say that I am still kicking and coming soon.

God Bless :)

Careful

How Personal God Is

2009-06-02T11:57:00.000-07:00

Lately the sky at the end of the day, when the sun is setting has been beautiful where I live. Last night the sky was pink and blue with rippling clouds expanding across the horizon. The other day there were great mountain clouds stacking upon each other like huge whip topping.

I turned to my friend last night and said, "Those clouds are for you. God did that because He loves you. He painted it for your enjoyment."

Have you ever thought about that?

That the oxygen in the air is specifically for you and me? That the reason there is apples on apple trees are for us humans to eat it? That sun shines to give us warmth and the stars are there for us to gaze at and wonder? Or the water cycle is there to provide water for us?

Today it rained and I talked to God about that, I said, "I was going to clean my car out, did you not want me too? I can't clean it out in the rain."

So, my car will be cleaned tomorrow because God had different plans for me today.

Or last night I was driving with my friend and one of my headlights is out. I told my friend that I really didn't want to get pulled over. We talked about it a bit and then we passed another car with one of their headlights out. We thought that was randomly funny and then not two seconds later another car had a headlight out, my friend laughed and said, "I guess God didn't want you to be feel bad about having your headlight out."

I laughed and shrugged, "I guess not, He sure does love me."

I believe it too.

That God really does know when I sit down and stand up. He knows when I wake up and when I go to bed. He knows my thoughts, every single one of them and every motive too.

I want Him to be a part of everything. Anytime I am alone I am praying or singing or reading the Bible. Jesus really is my best friend because He has never failed me, ever.

Sometimes I think we forget that God is intertwined in every big and small detail of our lives.

God Bless :)

(PHOTO: Shaye Campbell)

Why are You Here?

2009-05-28T14:17:00.000-07:00

Jeremiah 29:11

"'For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'"

This is the verse that I have been walking around with. It has been tucked away in my heart sense I was first saved.

I had no idea God had plans for me, I really didn't.

I wondered.

I wondered if I were random or a mistake. I wondered if I matter. Seriously, I remembering being overwhelmed just thinking about the masses of faces in this world. I could almost visualize a billion faces and I felt consumed with the feeling of unimportance.

Then, God told me He loved me. He told me I mattered and that He did something terribly wonderful for me on the cross. The greatest act of love ever was on that cross. The Lord told me that He had plan for me and trusting in the Lord brought success in my life.

There is a reason that I am here.

To write? To teach? To work? To share the gospel- yes. How? Not sure.

However, I am not afraid and I know God has the plans.

I am just praying He let's me know those plans soon.

I know I am here for a reason.

Why are you here?

God Bless :)

Graduation is Behind Me

2009-05-27T14:48:00.000-07:00

You know what is funny? As I sat in a fold up chair on the floor of a giant stadium I thought- How will I write this out in my blog? haha!

That is certainly a writer's brain for you.

Here I go:

The chair in front of me has RMC (Reel Music Crew) sticker on it. I am four rows back. I sit next to a girl with the same last name as me. On the other side is a boy, but he switched with the girl on his other side so we can be by our friends. They will switch when they stand because we are called by last name order.

At rehearsal, my principle is firm, she actually says, "Don't take a drag before you come." We all laugh, we wonder if she knows what a drag is. Just before graduation we stand outside, boys wear silver and girls wear maroon. The boys didn't listen when the principle said don't wear your gowns, so there is a lot more silver in the blur of the crowd than maroon. The girls laugh at the boys, because security makes all the boys take off their gowns at the door for safety reasons.

A teacher comes up to me and my friend and tells us he thinks we are going to do mighty things for the Lord and he will keep us in his prayers. We are surprised, for technically it is against the law to do this. However, we are thankful.

I am wearing heels, a brave thing for those rickety stairs up to the stage. My cap is over my brown curls. When I walk up to the stage they call my name and I can hear family and friends cheering. As they hand me my diploma I push my graduation present up my wrist so that it is in the picture the photographer on stage takes. It is a silver bracelet with a heart charm on it that says: JJ (Jessica Joy) on one side and Jeremiah 29:11 on the other side. Also a small pearl and a cross hang with the charm.

I feel completely changed and people around me agree when we all move our tassels from the right to the left. I don't cry, I am seriously not very emotional at events. (I have a good two hour cry once a month and I am good).

I almost do let tears fall when I close my eyes in the middle of it all and say to the Lord from my heart, "Thank you Lord."

I can hear the voice of the Lord whisper back, "I pushed you for this."

It was a day of victory.

God Bless :)

(PHOTO: Shaye Campbell)

Me and Motor Oil

2009-05-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

This is one of the posts that I hesitate to write. However, I can't get it out of my brain.

You see, I would like to firmly state that I am not boasting, just giving glory to God, okay?

Thanks. :)

Ever sense I turned 18 it has been like turning on a giant arrow hovering and pointing to me above my head flashing, "Legally 18, okay to pursue now."

When I walk into the auto parts store, a younger guy gets pushed by his (amused) boss to help me. While the young man helps me, the boss and other employees punch each other's arms knowingly.

Oh! How uncomfortable I feel about all this!

Each time I change my oil at a gas station (I am not even kidding you! Every time!), some guy asks me if I need help. I always smile and say something like, "God bless you, thanks! I am just changing my oil."

Or how suddenly the same boys my freshmen year who teased me and were quite rude, are now the ones who compliment me and say sweet things to me. (gah! haha)

My point is, I ask the Lord, "Oh why? I am waiting for my husband, can't I tell them that? Can't I tell them I am not even looking? For you, Oh Lord, have got the husband for me already and I am awaiting Your signal to say yes to that one guy." Until then, I will serve the Lord with my whole heart, using these single years to glorify God.

That is what the Lord has told me about this matter.

If I am at all attractive, for any reason, then it is for God's glory. If the guy wants to pursue, let him, for he will find Jesus standing between us.

Until he accepts Jesus, I could never accept the pursuer.

Until the Lord give me a wink and nods 'yes', then I will just have to keep saying no.

God bless! :)

Adulthood

2009-05-23T19:49:00.001-07:00

So far, so good.

I am 18 and I am done with school. I walk the graduation line on May 26.

Let's see:

1. I have no money for college.

2. My giant ministry in high school is kind of gone, for I won't sit with kids all day long.

3. My car is making scary noises, threatening to die. (oh! but I love my Jeep so)

4. I am living with my mom for the next year at least.

5. I am not sure about a summer job. I got options, but the pros and cons are all very even.

6. I want to be a writer. (Any idea how hard that is to get into- in any area?)

7. I want to be a public speaker. (God is calling me to this, but it is a vague calling so far)

Anyway, the point is, is that I am standing at an interesting point in life. A point where I just sort of look up at God and go, "Now what?"

I don't even have anything good to write.

Eh.

I think I will go for a jog.

This may be the worst post ever. (Especially sense I just confessed I want to be a writer)

haha!

God Bless, really, God Bless :)

Faults of a Perfect Christian

2009-05-19T08:39:00.000-07:00

I did something terribly wrong.

Sometimes, I can walk into being a judgemental Christian. I think we all can.

A leader in my church said she had been praying for me and then gave me verses. It was hard to hear and digest. Basically, she was saying that I was being like the religious leaders of the Bible, I was focusing on the law. I walked around separating myself from sin. Must the Christian separate themselves from sin? Oh yes! Indeed.

However, I am not suppose to be of the world, but in the world.

Lately, I have forgot to be in the world.

For my head has been in Heaven's clouds.

There is a mission on the planet for the Christian. I am not here to be super religious and check off a list of 'good things' that I do, then call myself saved. However, I am here to show the love of Jesus.

Who did Jesus Accept?: The sinner, the widow, the poor, the oppressed, the sick, the helpless, (the uncool, the nerd, the geek, the smelly kid, the annoying guy at work...etc.)

Who did Jesus not accept?: Religious leaders and Pharisees, who were tied to being 'good' and looking 'good' before other people.

Do we, as Christians walk around looking perfect? Do we muttered things quietly to other Christians about the sins of others? Or do we accept them? Just as they are?

Isn't that was Jesus did? Accept us and love us, just as we were when we were sinners?

Are we suppose to follow the law? Yes!

Why? Because we show our love for Jesus by obeying Him.

Sometimes correction hurts, but here even in my 'supercoolawesomesuperChristianblog', I can show humility and point out the faults of a perfect Christian.

God bless. :)

Testimonies! (Both Christian/Atheist)

2009-05-16T20:11:00.000-07:00

Think about where you are at right now and if your willing, post when/how you came to know the Lord.

Too, if you are an Atheist, when/how did you get there?

Testimonies can be powerful tools in sharing the gospel. Sharing your story with someone could bring someone to Christ. Are you, as a Christian, able to do it?

Haha, you can guess I wouldn't encourage sharing a testimony about how one became an atheist, but I like to ask the people at my school. I like to listen to the 'why' people aren't Christians so I can find the answers and tuck them away in my heart for later.

Hey, but I am interested nonetheless in how you got where you are today!

How would you tell a stranger?

God bless!

A Writer's Verse ;)

2009-05-15T15:05:00.000-07:00

1 Chronicles 16:24 (NLT)

Publish His glorious deeds among the nations.

Tell everyone about the amazing things He does.

I saw this yesterday and about jumped out of my seat in class.

God has commanded me to publish books, glorifying Him!

I am excited.

God bless! :)

One Reason Video

2009-05-14T20:45:00.000-07:00

I am going to Harvest International Training Center (my church-associated college) next year. As an end of the year project a group from the school made and submitted this.

I love it, oh and I am the last girl holding the baby- see if you can spot me ;)

God Bless!

Graduation is like Heaven

2009-05-13T21:09:00.000-07:00

I am graduating high school on May 26, 2009.

I was praying and God put a parallel on my heart.

Both the school district and God gives standards and rewards.

For over a decade I have slaved away in desks, doing homework, being testing and it feels like a marathon. I am eighteen years old and in just a few days I will have my reward for all the hard work. However, if I don't listen to my teachers and obey, then I will not get to walk the graduation line .

Same with God! Only a bit harder and longer. For the next 80 years (or so), I will serve God, pray each day, read my Bible tirelessly, and endure to the end as a Christian. I will be tested by God sometimes, sometimes God will give me hard seasons with lots to study and work. Other times will be like summer where I can rest and soak up the sun.

If I can make it to May 26, 2009 then I will receive a diploma.

If I can stay a Christian until the day I die, I will receive an eternal reward.

Envision mansions! Crowns! Heavenly things! Great and wonderful treasures that I have kept in Heaven's storage will finally be mine. Oh, we can't really envision it, we just have to have faith and know the God will keep his word to us.

There may be guts, blood, and tears in my future, but I will endure.

Rewards are good things, Jesus is my reward.

That is why I work so hard for the Kingdom today.

God bless. :)

Proof of a War in My Life

2009-05-06T20:43:00.000-07:00

I decided to experiment when I was an early Christian.

Seriously, I was a huge skeptic of this 'Christianity Thing' and I did everything I could to test it. The result just kept getting proved positive in favor of Jesus and the Bible.

Back then I decided that I was in charge of my life and nobody else. Somewhere along the way I decided there wasn't a hell and I was just a few short steps away from taking an atheist stance.

So, I thought I didn't need the power of God. I decided to stop sinning and just make decisions. I realized I couldn't! There was this temptation that pressed me and I was so weak! It was crazy to do the things I hated doing even when I made the decision to not do them.

Sin didn't leave my life until I had a real motivation for it. Jesus. It did not leave until I used the word of God to transform me. Not until I prayed and prayed that God would take my heart and give me a new nature. That my every desire to be altered from the world and toward God.

This is because we don't fight against flesh and blood (like the Old Testament) but we fight against unseen evil (like New Testament). Satan. God has a plan for our lives, guess what? So does Satan, it is a counterfeit life and plan- one that leads to death and destruction.

Woe to the blind who don't see this.

I am still fighting over 3 years later. I fight with prayed, the Bible, standing among Christians, with Holiness, and knowing that I am saved by the blood of Jesus. I fight and fight against temptation and the old man inside me. I stand up even when it hurts, I overcome in the name of Jesus, and I repent even as I feel God's hand of discipline sometimes.

There is a war over our life, an unseen war, but war of life and death no less.

Every person must ask: Who's side am I on? Good or Evil?

I will be on the good side, I will be on God's side.

God bless.

How to be a Christian :)

2009-04-27T20:24:00.001-07:00

Today I was standing in the middle of my room, thinking about a novel I am writing, and God urged me to start to worship Him instead.

So, I sang and sang.

Then, I began to think: My character has improved and changed sense last year, last month and even last week.

Oh man, I always feel like I am boasting, but this is for the glory of God, k?

That is the life of the Christian though. We (should) are always growing and changing for the Bible says we are to be perfect. That we, as Christians, are citizens of Heaven! Think of it!

How exciting.

How does the Christian grow, change, get inspired, and feed his spirit? By the word of God, of course. Prayer is a wondrous action too. If the Bible moves us, prayer moves the God of the Universe. Other ways, we know, are fellowship. Who do we spend most of our time with? Is Jesus at the center of every single relationship in our lives? Another one is Holiness, a pastor of mine once said that Holiness is simply how close we are to God. When we set ourselves apart from the world wholeheartedly then we find ourselves in the same setting as God. Salvation is another one to consistently be thinking about, do we know God loves us? That we are sinners? That Jesus is the only way, truth, and life? That we need to turn away from our sins? That we need to accept Jesus into our lives?

Let's sum that giant paragraph up, here is my quick 'How to be a Christian':

1. Read the Bible

2. Pray to God

3. Hang w/Jesus People

4. Be Different than Everyone Else

5. Salvation:

-God's Love

- You are a sinner

-Jesus is the Way

-Turn Away From Sin

-Accept Jesus into Your Life

These aren't in any perfect order, but there you have it. Just in case you were wondering.

This was for somebody, somewhere, someday- I can feel it.

God bless :)

Life at the Moment in a Quick Post!

2009-04-25T22:01:00.000-07:00

I almost want to write it in a poem or something dramatic to really give this post a bang.

You see, I am blog deprived, starving, starving, starving...

Here we go:

Nightschool is on the brain right now. I've got gansters, drug dealers, lesbians, athiests, rednecks, and preps. They hate cops, thier own life, the government, the principle, and me.

Why do they hate me?

Because, I won't cheat, do drugs, drink, go to a party with them, dishonor the teacher or date them. I am a goody-goody white girl who is high strung and needs to kick back and relax (they say) I am the smart girl. I am the nieve one. I am the cracker. I am the one they can't figure out.

I love Jesus and I won't back down, stop fighting, give up, compromise, or falter.

I am not exaggerating either.

I got sick a this last year and lost some credits, so now I am taking two english classes and two goverment classes to graduate. I wonder why the Lord didn't reach his mighty healing hand down and just heal me. Was it my lack of faith? I don't think so, I prayed and believed in every way that I could. So? Why didn't God heal me? Why did he let me fail those classes?

Now I know.

I am sitting in this class with kids who hate life and are angry at everything that exists. Seriously, so far this has been the darknest place I have ever been, this place was in need of a light.

I shine too, I shine, shine, shine. In Jesus name I shine.

I don't say this to boast, but to encourage. Hopefully, if anyone out there is sitting in a dark place too, they can find joy by reading and realizing that I am smiling in the middle of this. That there are Christians who really love the Lord and the Bible and want to live it out with integrity, praise God. My schedule now holds that I am not at home until 10:00pm four nights a week, so I am so tired, even as I write this.

Not sure if I am even making sense at the moment. However, I am glad to write.

God bless, bless, bless. :)

My Most Recent Atheist Conversation :)

2009-04-15T20:32:00.000-07:00

So, a commenter asked me to make the font large...working on it, but I did make is as black as I can make it. Keep complaining until you can read it super good. :)

So. I am currently without computer access. My apologies, the posts will be sparse. Give me a few weeks and I will getting them up daily. ;)

In turn. I will have to make them as magnificent as I can- in Jesus name.

Funny, how in the last few days I have met atheist after atheist.

God in his infinite wisdom has given me an answer for every one of their questions and concerns.

The atheist I am thinking about right now is a young man who is the boyfriend of a girl in my sign language class. We have these things called, "deaf events" and we get to go into the community and interact with deaf culture. It is totally cool. Last Saturday the boyfriend tagged along to the deaf event, he knows I am a Christian and I know he is an atheist. This would be the second time we have had an in depth 'religious' conversation...

Anywho.

At the end of the event it was cold and we (the girl, the boyfriend/atheist, and me) got into the car to warm up. Of course, as all my conversations lean toward, we began on the topic of religion.

It was fun! God gave me amazing answers. Ones that really made the guy think and there was a sweet feeling to the conversation too. Throughout all of it we didn't argue. We simply disagreed. There was a peace in all the frustration between us.

Somewhere in the middle I found the root. He had all the typical arguments: world suffering, gay/lesbian rights, abortion...etc. However, in talking about the suffering I gave him a testimony about a time and place where I suffered, where I almost committed suicide and God found me.

He said, "That is where we differ- God never found me. I kept asking God for help and He never came in my suffering."

My heart broke for him and I said, "Well, that is why God puts people like me in your life. He is knocking at your door right now." I laughed, "After all the research you have done on Christianity, I bet God has knocked on your door 20, 30, 40 times."

He laughed too and said, "Probably 400 times!"

Then his laughter stopped, for he remembered he was an atheist.

At the end he said, "You are always going to be a Christian and I am always going to be an atheist. That is just how it is."

I shook my head, "No, someday you will get saved."

He laughed, "You think so?"

I nodded this time, "Yes, I am confident in my faith for you."

He stuck out his hand and we did that teenage bondage fist-punch thing.

There was something in his eyes that was thankful that someone was hoping, praying, you know? Caring for him. Someone cared, and right now he lives in a world where no one cares.

When I left their car and got into mine, I began to pray and pray and pray.

I can see this guy as a Christian, he is a great conversationalist, very culture, intellectual, and well informed- I just hope I get to have these conversations in Heaven with him too.

God Bless. :)

Hope to write again soon, thanks for your patience.

Words We Say

2009-04-06T16:34:00.000-07:00

The other day I noticed two comments from two different people about myself.

I don't say this to gloat or boast about myself, but to glorify God. It was insight to what people think about me.

The first experience was in my Food and Nutrition class. There are two 'popular' boys who pick on a 'nerd' kid. The two bullies pick on everyone, including myself, however they particularly verbally abuse the geek kid more so than others.

I have been praying and God put it on my heart to say something positive every time I heard a negative comment. So, I have done this for months now.

A quieter kid came up to me by himself just a few days ago and said, "Have you ever said anything mean about anyone?"

I paused to think, "I said a lot of mean things to people before I knew Jesus, all the time. Sometimes I slip up as a Christian, but it is way less now."

He shook his head. "I can't see you saying anything mean about anyone."

I just shrugged at him and smiled.

Then the very next class the kid that sat next to me announced that he was an atheist in conversation, and I said, "What? I knew you were super liberal, but I didn't know you were an atheist."

"You didn't know that?" He looked surprised. "I argue with Christians all the time."

I laughed and jokingly said, "Argue about Christianity with me!"

He said, "You're too nice to argue with."

I was thinking about it. The more I read the Bible the more life-filled words come out of my mouth.

What the kids at my school and the people around me hear are words that they don't hear at home, at work, school, and in life unless they are around Christians.

I am not perfect. Not close at all, but faithfulness pays off in the long run.

As Christians, what are we saying?

God Bless! :)

A Bit of Trust

2009-04-04T20:43:00.001-07:00

There is a kid in my government and English class that always gets the blame for the trouble. He sits with other trouble makers, but he is the one they look down on and tell to go out to the hall. It's true, that the teachers have found that when this kid is removed it is quieter for a considerable amount of time in class.

It's just, he always gets in trouble and they seem to look hopelessly at him.

The hopelessness comes from the fact that everyone knows this kid will not graduate in the spring. We all wonder why he hasn't dropped out and stopped coming to class altogether.

I wonder about his home life all the time.

He is a confident kid, who talks about beating other kids up and tells detailed stories about fights he has witnessed. He seems pretty happy actually, at least around his friends. However when I see teachers sort of shrug him off, I can see the pain too.

So, I encourage him.

Every day at least three times while we are in class I tell him how awesome he is, I encourage him during class times, and I seek him out especially among all the troubled kids he hangs out with. I pray for him and smile at him kindly.

I don't think he knows what to make of me. He doesn't really respond, at first he was stunned- no one encourages him. Actually, he doesn't talk to me much at all and I probably would make him look bad if he really had any sort of conversation. (I am known as the Super-Christian at school)

Finally, yesterday after school he came back to our English teacher to give her a paper. We were sort of walking out the door at the same time.

He suddenly held the door open for me, quite intentionally, and I said, "Thank you."

He said with a smile, "Your welcome."

I was headed in the opposite direction as him. He stopped me with his words, "Have a great weekend, Jessica. See you later." There was such a softness in his voice, and I think I gained bit of trust in that moment.

That is all I need to share the gospel with someone: a bit of trust.

New Blog

2009-04-03T16:10:00.000-07:00

So, I am back.

It seems CarefulWhatYouSay sort of disappeared off the face of the Earth for a little while, but I really I didn't.

The Lord and I had a talk and He wanted me to take some time off from this wonderful blogging experience, but now I am back....

...and better than ever.

Or something to that effect. :)

I have stories though and I can't wait to write them out.

Just you wait and see...or I mean, read.

God Bless. :)